Take criticisms SERIOUSLY by all means, BUT NOT PERSONALLY. For these same criticisms could one day save your company.
Why do so many leaders who despite their outward confidence and public persona, often crumble or lash out in response to criticism(s)? Why would someone who may have won his/her election by a landslide, or leads a company with more than 5,000 employees, or whose company is valued at $100m+, or a leader who is always confident on Bloomberg, CNBC … react so badly when his/her ideas are rejected or their leadership style criticised or questioned? Why do so many leaders dismiss criticism often branding the person/people raising issues as ‘troublemakers” or a disgruntled ex-employee(s)?
The reason?
Ego.
Ego is nothing more than insecurity which often leads to many people taking criticism personally. Flipped around, ego makes us think that, that person/critic has it in for us, that person is trying to sabotage […fill in the blank].
Leaders are, after all, humans and so like most of us, they too have egos and when criticised, this triggers insecurity even in leaders who to most of us, are extremely successful in their careers.
And yet far from always being negative, criticism can sometimes be a warning sign about a problem that’s about to erupt giving you time to fix things. In other words, criticism can also be a heads-up about a problem that’s been bubbling on the surface within your company, or about a problem that’s being raised by customers about your product/service.
While it’s true that not all criticism is equal and that sometimes it does in fact stem from a negative or cruel place, on the whole, listening to criticism can help you become a better person and as a result, a better leader who people can come to with ideas and/or advice on improving the company’s products or services.
But how can we not take criticism so personally especially if this criticism has been made in a forceful, public, or angry manner?
Well, a change in mindset and action(s) is often what’s called for. After all, you cannot control the actions or mindset of anyone else. Below are five tips.
1. Avoid instantly assuming this person has it in for you. Instead, take a deep breath before answering or if it’s an email, sleep on it and respond in a calm, collected manner the next morning. Taking time away from the person/email can give you a better perspective on things. It also gives you time to check or run the issue that’s been raised, passed a colleague, friend or spouse.
2. Ask yourself this, what is the intention of the critic? Are they a domain expert in this area or someone on the ground dealing with customers or staff on a day-to-day basis which gives them a better insight?
3. Is the intention cruelty? If the intent is to be cruel i.e. a stranger on social media who becomes personal instead of focusing on the facts, then their reaction has nothing to do with you. It simply means that for one reason or another, your post/comment or idea has triggered something negative inside of them. You cannot reason with such a person so don’t engage with them. If it’s a customer or colleague, deal with the matter maturely and take the conversation offline.
4. Is it criticism from a team member? If it’s criticism from a member of your team, then the intention may be to improve working conditions; perhaps making your office a safer space for ALL colleagues not just those who look like you or come from your background or school. This team member may have “lived experiences” and would like to make some suggestions or share ideas with you. Listen to them; don’t just dismiss their concerns and label them as not relevant because no one else has raised this issue. [Imagine if a team member raised concerns about the lack of wheelchair access in your office. Would you dismiss this concern because no other person in the office (99% of who have no physical disability), has raised wheelchair access as an issue? This person may have a family member, partner, friend who has a physical disability and they have lived experience. You may not. It’s not about you! Learn to listen. Ask Questions. Take note & learn.
5. Always remember, the majority of people on this earth are good people with good intentions. They are too busy trying to look after their families, pay their bills, put food on the table to simply be out to get you or trying to bring your company down.
Believe it or not, it’s often not about you. Sometimes it could be their way of trying to help you save your company and by default, their job. This person could help you stem the tide of resignations. If you lash out at them, belittle them, or make it all about you, then all you’re doing is putting off other team members from ever approaching you with ideas and/or raising concerns.
So don’t take criticisms personally. Ask yourself if there is any truth in what is being said and if so, have a mature conversation or discussion. You don’t have to agree with everything but if the intention is good, then respectfully disagree but at least, hear them out.
Miriam Mukasa - Executive Coach | Executive Search | Leadership Development
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